Actual new entry...

I feel if I could reach high enough, I could pull down that grey cloud bank and wrap it around me, soft and damp and cool... I'd bury my head deep inside, so I could feel alone and quiet and calm for once.

I'm not confused about what I'm feeling. I'm confused about why I'm feeling it.

My final high school schedule:
1. Dual enrollment Anatomy and Physiology
2. AP Physics
3. Peer tutor for AP Biology
4. AP English
5. AP Calculus
6. Government.

I refuse to take AP Government. I'm horrible with history, and have no little to no interest in politics.

Obviously I didn't get the memo that seniors are supposed to take an easier schedule.

My parents have become obsessed with my future. They talk of it nonstop, although occasionally pausing to lecture me about something. I can't wait to start school if just simply to escape their constant nagging.

Isolation. Funny how I want to be alone, and yet I'm terribly lonely. I can feel that winter morning at school feeling, the one that means walking around hallways alone, peers sliding past, friends waving, pausing briefly but gliding on.

I think this feeling is brought on by a cold (in the summer?! gah!) and the dark coolish weather we've been having. These are often symptoms of winter.

I miss winter.

I miss stress. I miss homework. I miss cliques. I miss cafeteria food. I miss the classrooms. But, unusually, not the chairs.

I'm feeling young. I'm too young to be leaving in a year. I'm pratically an infant. I don't know how to survive on my own yet.

I can't wait to get out of here. Itchy itch.

I miss Shane.

I want to scream. Too many thoughts, too many emotions. Typical to me, I wished to feel again. Now I'm overwhelmed. *clenches fist* Whyyy?

Oh well. I think a little Disturbed therapy is in order, and maybe Karin will come out of this situation un-mangled. Goodnight.